lundi, novembre 28, 2005
Les torsions de sort
Twists of fate.
I'm writing this in an Orchard Road Starbucks, scribbling next to a hot mocha. The place is nearly empty; only soft conversation and Christmas music disturb the quiet here -- all a lullaby as I unwind and decompress my feet after three hours of shopping. At long last, it seems I'm slowly starting to accept that I've finally, actually finished my three-year roundabout pre-university journey.
Yet now that it's over, I can only think of how these two years began. The very first day of school here forced me to decide which of two paths I would take through the scholarship. I chose not the rational and smart choice. I chose the irrational, shallow one. And that has made all the difference (how very Robert Frost -- all we're missing now is a yellow wood).
That choice was my subject combination.
A lot of people know how much I dislike -- I won't say hate, though it feels like it sometimes -- Biology. I never tested well and I never liked the subject in any way. Quite tellingly, my first pre-university block test back in Kota Kinabalu yielded three As and one bloody D -- Biology. I was a much better Physics student, my frequently being unconscious during lectures notwithstanding.
Yet my subject combination is Mathematics, Economics, Chemistry, and Biology. I chose the subject I not only disliked but also sucked at.
When I'd first arrived in Singapore, I brought with me a deep terror of ever doing three science subjects again and being forced to endure three practical sessions a week. Particularly fresh was a recent Physics experiment where I'd spent an hour wondering why my bloody capacitor was taking the whole bloody hour to discharge while everyone else had already recharged and discharged their requisite five times, until I finally got my tutor to admit that it was the capacitor that had screwed up and not me. He gave me a new capacitor -- and promptly asked me to redo the whole experiment. I promptly responded by going home.
I was determined to take only two science subjects if I could -- and to my great joy, I discovered I was allowed to offer Economics as an A-levels subject here. With Mathematics and Economics, I just needed two science subjects. What was more, I could now start towards a career in Law by taking a humanities subject. My experiences in debate and resultant inflated ego convinced me that I was meant to be some hotshot lawyer, arguing in a courtroom somewhere. Economics would come in helpful somewhere, I was sure.
Between my two science subjects, Chemistry was an easy choice. I'd always done well and my previous tutor had actually taught me to enjoy Chemistry. That and the fact that we'd already finished the Chemistry syllabus back in Kota Kinabalu. So taking Chemistry was like taking only three subjects! How obvious (and how wrong I proved to be... but I digress).
So that left my final choice between Physics and Biology. I liked Physics. I did well. I loved Physics enough to order The Final Theory online to discover how to stump my Physics lecturer. Given sufficient goading and encouragement (especially in all its alcoholic forms), I can still argue today the flaws of Newton's Theory of Gravity and how magnetism violates the Law of Conservation of Energy and all that unbelievably boring crap, thus upsetting everything your tutors ever told you. I liked Physics. And, if I would just admit it, I am an ass.
I chose Biology.
If I'd gone Physics-Chemistry-Mathematics-Economics (PCME), I'd have joined my roommate in the same class. But I took the Biology-Chemistry-Mathematics-Economics (BCME) combination. Because of that, I was assigned to a different class and, more importantly, a different 'clan' for Orientation. The difference was that my clan had a strategy to tackle the Clan Dance and Cheer competition -- they enlisted the cheerleading teacher to train us.
His training, to be quite frank, erm, sucked. He had a way with his routines that would one day become a regular source of grumbling among us cheerleaders. We didn't win the Clan Dance and Cheer even with him, a cheerleading coach who also happened to be a dance instructor -- a good indicator of how good he really was. It wouldn't be the first time cheerleading training failed to win cheer competitions (National Education Cheer 2004, anybody? Danceworks 2005?); the Clan Dance and Cheer went to a different clan's routine -- choreographed by two first year dancers who soon joined cheerleading.
But losing didn't matter. What mattered was my discovering the fun of cheerleading stunts that day. The moment I went back from school and saw the shoe treadmarks on my shoulders -- looking very much like a shark had taken a nice gnaw or two -- from my first ever shoulder stand stunt, I'd decided to join cheerleading.
And the rest, as the much abused cliche goes, is history. I joined cheerleading instead of continuing Debate. I became Captain. I learned stunts, dance, cheering, and a bit of tumbling. I made new friends -- friends who spent time playing and joking on the gym mats and experimenting with crazy stunts; I'd already done enough of sitting around preparing cases and arguing with each other in various hotel rooms and Coffee Bean sofas for two years.
But most importantly, I had fun. Cheerleading gave me a purpose, something to look forward to each day -- cheerleading training, which inevitably led to hilarious accidents and stupidity, was my Golden Age back home manifest here in Singapore. Cheerleading would also one day lead the way to the Singapore Youth Festival with the Western Dancers (which I somehow fumbled my way through), opening the doors to a whole new game. After that first taste of playing with stunts, all four Malaysian scholars in my clan joined cheerleading.
The other scholars never did. And if I'd taken Physics, I doubt if I would have too. The physical exertion needed to perform stunts put a lot of us off. The fact that it looked, oh I don't know, dangerous to lift people and throw them into the air made it a lot less attractive than, say, the quiet romp of a librarian. If I'd not been forced out of my comfort zone to do a shoulder stand on my second day of school, I don't think I'd ever have stretched myself out to try.
And so because I'd taken Biology instead of Physics, because I was so irrational and shallow, I found fun unlike any other. I sometimes thought (unfairly and ignorantly, I'm sure) that it was the cheerleader scholars who were really enjoying life in Singapore; while the others bitched about lousy classmates and teachers, we were, I'd like to think, all smiles. How could a few insensitive words said in the morning compare to the thrill of successfully learning to basket toss? How could a bad feeling last against three hours of laughing and playing with stunts on the gym mats?
Luckily I was so shallow, right?
So why? Why did I choose Biology?
Because I wanted to shut my Mom up for two years. She'd been against my reading Law from the beginning, pressuring me to study a "real" course like Pharmacy at the National University of Singapore or the Nanyang Technological University. I thought I would take Biology to trick her into thinking I'd finally settled my rebellious roots down, all the while planning to apply for Law when it was all over. At the time, it seemed like a pretty good idea. Things changed along the way. I grew to love Economics. And I plan to continue studying it.
Funny way how things turn out, eh?
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I'm writing this in an Orchard Road Starbucks, scribbling next to a hot mocha. The place is nearly empty; only soft conversation and Christmas music disturb the quiet here -- all a lullaby as I unwind and decompress my feet after three hours of shopping. At long last, it seems I'm slowly starting to accept that I've finally, actually finished my three-year roundabout pre-university journey.
Yet now that it's over, I can only think of how these two years began. The very first day of school here forced me to decide which of two paths I would take through the scholarship. I chose not the rational and smart choice. I chose the irrational, shallow one. And that has made all the difference (how very Robert Frost -- all we're missing now is a yellow wood).
That choice was my subject combination.
A lot of people know how much I dislike -- I won't say hate, though it feels like it sometimes -- Biology. I never tested well and I never liked the subject in any way. Quite tellingly, my first pre-university block test back in Kota Kinabalu yielded three As and one bloody D -- Biology. I was a much better Physics student, my frequently being unconscious during lectures notwithstanding.
Yet my subject combination is Mathematics, Economics, Chemistry, and Biology. I chose the subject I not only disliked but also sucked at.
When I'd first arrived in Singapore, I brought with me a deep terror of ever doing three science subjects again and being forced to endure three practical sessions a week. Particularly fresh was a recent Physics experiment where I'd spent an hour wondering why my bloody capacitor was taking the whole bloody hour to discharge while everyone else had already recharged and discharged their requisite five times, until I finally got my tutor to admit that it was the capacitor that had screwed up and not me. He gave me a new capacitor -- and promptly asked me to redo the whole experiment. I promptly responded by going home.
I was determined to take only two science subjects if I could -- and to my great joy, I discovered I was allowed to offer Economics as an A-levels subject here. With Mathematics and Economics, I just needed two science subjects. What was more, I could now start towards a career in Law by taking a humanities subject. My experiences in debate and resultant inflated ego convinced me that I was meant to be some hotshot lawyer, arguing in a courtroom somewhere. Economics would come in helpful somewhere, I was sure.
Between my two science subjects, Chemistry was an easy choice. I'd always done well and my previous tutor had actually taught me to enjoy Chemistry. That and the fact that we'd already finished the Chemistry syllabus back in Kota Kinabalu. So taking Chemistry was like taking only three subjects! How obvious (and how wrong I proved to be... but I digress).
So that left my final choice between Physics and Biology. I liked Physics. I did well. I loved Physics enough to order The Final Theory online to discover how to stump my Physics lecturer. Given sufficient goading and encouragement (especially in all its alcoholic forms), I can still argue today the flaws of Newton's Theory of Gravity and how magnetism violates the Law of Conservation of Energy and all that unbelievably boring crap, thus upsetting everything your tutors ever told you. I liked Physics. And, if I would just admit it, I am an ass.
I chose Biology.
If I'd gone Physics-Chemistry-Mathematics-Economics (PCME), I'd have joined my roommate in the same class. But I took the Biology-Chemistry-Mathematics-Economics (BCME) combination. Because of that, I was assigned to a different class and, more importantly, a different 'clan' for Orientation. The difference was that my clan had a strategy to tackle the Clan Dance and Cheer competition -- they enlisted the cheerleading teacher to train us.
His training, to be quite frank, erm, sucked. He had a way with his routines that would one day become a regular source of grumbling among us cheerleaders. We didn't win the Clan Dance and Cheer even with him, a cheerleading coach who also happened to be a dance instructor -- a good indicator of how good he really was. It wouldn't be the first time cheerleading training failed to win cheer competitions (National Education Cheer 2004, anybody? Danceworks 2005?); the Clan Dance and Cheer went to a different clan's routine -- choreographed by two first year dancers who soon joined cheerleading.
But losing didn't matter. What mattered was my discovering the fun of cheerleading stunts that day. The moment I went back from school and saw the shoe treadmarks on my shoulders -- looking very much like a shark had taken a nice gnaw or two -- from my first ever shoulder stand stunt, I'd decided to join cheerleading.
And the rest, as the much abused cliche goes, is history. I joined cheerleading instead of continuing Debate. I became Captain. I learned stunts, dance, cheering, and a bit of tumbling. I made new friends -- friends who spent time playing and joking on the gym mats and experimenting with crazy stunts; I'd already done enough of sitting around preparing cases and arguing with each other in various hotel rooms and Coffee Bean sofas for two years.
But most importantly, I had fun. Cheerleading gave me a purpose, something to look forward to each day -- cheerleading training, which inevitably led to hilarious accidents and stupidity, was my Golden Age back home manifest here in Singapore. Cheerleading would also one day lead the way to the Singapore Youth Festival with the Western Dancers (which I somehow fumbled my way through), opening the doors to a whole new game. After that first taste of playing with stunts, all four Malaysian scholars in my clan joined cheerleading.
The other scholars never did. And if I'd taken Physics, I doubt if I would have too. The physical exertion needed to perform stunts put a lot of us off. The fact that it looked, oh I don't know, dangerous to lift people and throw them into the air made it a lot less attractive than, say, the quiet romp of a librarian. If I'd not been forced out of my comfort zone to do a shoulder stand on my second day of school, I don't think I'd ever have stretched myself out to try.
And so because I'd taken Biology instead of Physics, because I was so irrational and shallow, I found fun unlike any other. I sometimes thought (unfairly and ignorantly, I'm sure) that it was the cheerleader scholars who were really enjoying life in Singapore; while the others bitched about lousy classmates and teachers, we were, I'd like to think, all smiles. How could a few insensitive words said in the morning compare to the thrill of successfully learning to basket toss? How could a bad feeling last against three hours of laughing and playing with stunts on the gym mats?
Luckily I was so shallow, right?
So why? Why did I choose Biology?
Because I wanted to shut my Mom up for two years. She'd been against my reading Law from the beginning, pressuring me to study a "real" course like Pharmacy at the National University of Singapore or the Nanyang Technological University. I thought I would take Biology to trick her into thinking I'd finally settled my rebellious roots down, all the while planning to apply for Law when it was all over. At the time, it seemed like a pretty good idea. Things changed along the way. I grew to love Economics. And I plan to continue studying it.
Funny way how things turn out, eh?
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