jeudi, mars 17, 2005
La perte est finale
Loss is eventual.
"One day, things won't be like this anymore. One day, I will see you only in a memory of today. One day, I will only be able to hold you and feel you only when I think of today.
"So is it wrong if I want those memories of you to be the most beautiful memories they could ever be?"
I still can't believe I said that. But if we've stopped puking, we can proceed to this week's Blog-Entry-Written-Instead-of-Studying.
Memories should be beautiful, exactly because that's all that will be left when we lose the things and people we treasure and love.
Loss is unavoidable. It is a fact of life. Your best friend gets a scholarship and moves out of your life. You get a scholarship and leave your friends, family and home. You get in the car for a night out and one drunk driver later, your legs are gone. That's life.
It is a life that is full of death, not necessarily literally so. There will be break-ups, words shouted in anger we always regret later, thievery, destruction, accidents. Just so many ways to lose the things we love. So many ways life can hurt us.
Surviving these hurts is the only way to live. We cannot let ourselves be dragged into a downward spiral, sinking forever into an abyss of madness and despair to drown in a pool of salty tears from our own swollen eyes mixed with the bitter blood of our own slit wrists. The only way to live is to want to live. It is determination.
Only determination can maintain the sustained march through the field of life despite the soaking rain and the burning sun. It is the choice of the strong, when there is no other path except that which is harsh.
We could, of course, complain. Whine. Cry out about the unfairness of it all. But what would we achieve? Wishing things were different is useless. Complaining is useless except in making us feel better about something we cannot do anything about. But ultimately the only thing we can do is to accept. Because it is only when we stop focusing on our unhappiness can we be ready to seize the opportunity to change our fortunes as soon as it presents itself.
Many people don't stop. They keep complaining when they should be looking out for the next ticket out of their mess.
I think it's because we're afraid of getting out. We'd actually prefer to be stuck in the pain and the suffering than to break out and fight against the cards we have been dealt. It's not just the consequences of breaking out, but also the breaking out itself. We don't want to make the effort to change. No. Easier to just suffer, and handle the agony by whining to feel better.
We all whine, of course, preferring to suffer than to change. Basic trap of human nature. Snares me too, from all my habits to keeping my silence when I should revolt to, of course, whining myself about all the things I wish were this way instead of that. I am not perfect.
But the impossibility of perfection is not an excuse for weakness. Ultimately we have to be strong, to be ready to change our entire way of life at a moment's notice and adopt new values, new styles. Surrendering to the vagaries of life is not an option. We must fight back and make our own way.
We must survive.
I try. I try everyday to survive. It is the determination to survive that sustains me through the trials of finding new support, new training grounds, new methods of promotion after I refused to let the College Administration kill my cheerleading team. Even when our teacher-in-charge abandoned us in his cowardice, that same determination to survive insisted and still instists I press on without the reassurance of someone watching upstairs, that I take the responsibility I could easily just abandon. I will not allow myself to be afraid of change.
Because change is the one of the few things I hold to be constant. Change and loss.
If these hurts walk hand in hand with mortal existence then I believe we cannot grow comfortable with life as we know it today. We can lose it all in just a simple twist of fate. War, disaster, mispoken words. A juxtaposition of two unrelated events occurring at the same time. Just like that, we lose our families. Our friends. Our loves.
Can the mind handle such staggering loss without going insane? I don't think so.
I know loss is rarely so devastating. But just think of how lost you would be just without your parents. Those who have lost them will know what I can only imagine I will feel when the time comes.
It is because I know I will lose the things I hold dearest to me that I refuse to rely so much on anyone or anything else for comfort. Ultimately I cannot rely on anyone else except myself for comfort and security. I must be able to adapt to a life after the things I love have been taken away and still survive without being crippled.
Refusing to become a limping derelict doesn't however mean I do not treasure what I have. Because I know loss is eventual, my appreciation for whatever little time I am given with them is amplified. Because one day, things won't be like this anymore. One day, I will see you only in a memory of today. One day, I will only be able to hold you and feel you only when I think of today.
So is it wrong if I want those memories of you to be the most beautiful memories they could ever be?
Commentaires: 0
"One day, things won't be like this anymore. One day, I will see you only in a memory of today. One day, I will only be able to hold you and feel you only when I think of today.
"So is it wrong if I want those memories of you to be the most beautiful memories they could ever be?"
I still can't believe I said that. But if we've stopped puking, we can proceed to this week's Blog-Entry-Written-Instead-of-Studying.
Memories should be beautiful, exactly because that's all that will be left when we lose the things and people we treasure and love.
Loss is unavoidable. It is a fact of life. Your best friend gets a scholarship and moves out of your life. You get a scholarship and leave your friends, family and home. You get in the car for a night out and one drunk driver later, your legs are gone. That's life.
It is a life that is full of death, not necessarily literally so. There will be break-ups, words shouted in anger we always regret later, thievery, destruction, accidents. Just so many ways to lose the things we love. So many ways life can hurt us.
Surviving these hurts is the only way to live. We cannot let ourselves be dragged into a downward spiral, sinking forever into an abyss of madness and despair to drown in a pool of salty tears from our own swollen eyes mixed with the bitter blood of our own slit wrists. The only way to live is to want to live. It is determination.
Only determination can maintain the sustained march through the field of life despite the soaking rain and the burning sun. It is the choice of the strong, when there is no other path except that which is harsh.
We could, of course, complain. Whine. Cry out about the unfairness of it all. But what would we achieve? Wishing things were different is useless. Complaining is useless except in making us feel better about something we cannot do anything about. But ultimately the only thing we can do is to accept. Because it is only when we stop focusing on our unhappiness can we be ready to seize the opportunity to change our fortunes as soon as it presents itself.
Many people don't stop. They keep complaining when they should be looking out for the next ticket out of their mess.
I think it's because we're afraid of getting out. We'd actually prefer to be stuck in the pain and the suffering than to break out and fight against the cards we have been dealt. It's not just the consequences of breaking out, but also the breaking out itself. We don't want to make the effort to change. No. Easier to just suffer, and handle the agony by whining to feel better.
We all whine, of course, preferring to suffer than to change. Basic trap of human nature. Snares me too, from all my habits to keeping my silence when I should revolt to, of course, whining myself about all the things I wish were this way instead of that. I am not perfect.
But the impossibility of perfection is not an excuse for weakness. Ultimately we have to be strong, to be ready to change our entire way of life at a moment's notice and adopt new values, new styles. Surrendering to the vagaries of life is not an option. We must fight back and make our own way.
We must survive.
I try. I try everyday to survive. It is the determination to survive that sustains me through the trials of finding new support, new training grounds, new methods of promotion after I refused to let the College Administration kill my cheerleading team. Even when our teacher-in-charge abandoned us in his cowardice, that same determination to survive insisted and still instists I press on without the reassurance of someone watching upstairs, that I take the responsibility I could easily just abandon. I will not allow myself to be afraid of change.
Because change is the one of the few things I hold to be constant. Change and loss.
If these hurts walk hand in hand with mortal existence then I believe we cannot grow comfortable with life as we know it today. We can lose it all in just a simple twist of fate. War, disaster, mispoken words. A juxtaposition of two unrelated events occurring at the same time. Just like that, we lose our families. Our friends. Our loves.
Can the mind handle such staggering loss without going insane? I don't think so.
I know loss is rarely so devastating. But just think of how lost you would be just without your parents. Those who have lost them will know what I can only imagine I will feel when the time comes.
It is because I know I will lose the things I hold dearest to me that I refuse to rely so much on anyone or anything else for comfort. Ultimately I cannot rely on anyone else except myself for comfort and security. I must be able to adapt to a life after the things I love have been taken away and still survive without being crippled.
Refusing to become a limping derelict doesn't however mean I do not treasure what I have. Because I know loss is eventual, my appreciation for whatever little time I am given with them is amplified. Because one day, things won't be like this anymore. One day, I will see you only in a memory of today. One day, I will only be able to hold you and feel you only when I think of today.
So is it wrong if I want those memories of you to be the most beautiful memories they could ever be?
Commentaires: 0
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