jeudi, mars 10, 2005
Mourir au nom de la loyauté
Dying in the name of loyalty.
I'm not supposed to be blogging now. I'm supposed to be writing a Malay horror story for some college Malay newsletter, based on a story I once heard about a girl who got possessed while camping in school.
Sidetrack! Credits: Thanks a lot, Natalie! It's been nearly a year since you told me the story when we were in Pulau Manukan but I've never forgotten what you told me.
Sidetrack over. Anyway.
I'm also supposed to be doing my Biology revisions on Cell Membranes and Transport for the coming Common Test that's up in two weeks. I'm supposed to be researching and "thinking out of the box" about new ways to address terrorism in Singapore for the Pre-U Seminar. Also read the Penguin History of Economics for my Economics S paper.
But still I'm blogging.
I really don't have any more time. No more sand in my hourglass. My 24 hours are occupied to the max. I'm burning everything I have to keep the pace up, at least until the Common Test is over.
And still I have the audacity, the nerve, to say yes to losing four mornings from my one week holiday, a one week holiday that happens to be next week, afterwhich we immediately start on the Common Test.
Now what did I do? What is it that's going to eat four very potentially productive mornings for my revision plan?
Some of you already know. Most don't. Here it is: I said yes to my former Civics Tutor, now Teacher-in-Charge of the Western Dance group, when he called and asked me if I could join the Western Dance ballet item for the Singapore Youth Festival because they were short of guys.
Yes, ballet. Laugh it up, people. Ho Way Siong, not one word from you. Kau pun sama, Kelvin. Jangan ko tulis benda bukan-bukan dalam tagboard sia.
Now why the hell would I do such a thing? I already have my Cheerleaders and I'm somewhat in the Western Dance hiphop section. The moment some people heard about this, they instantly offered (logically), "Oh, you want the points, is that it?"
Please, people. You know me. I don't do things for points. I just find it wrong to spend so much time and energy and willpower on something just for points, hours, testimonials or certificates. I'm not that kind of person. I don't run on external motivation. No, this, like all the responsibilities I've ever accepted, is internal. It's because I want to, not because I'm getting something for it.
But I'm not a ballet person. It's hard to imagine. Some of you can't even imagine it. I still can't, though two sessions into this mess I've gotten myself into, I'm already having fun learning something new and completely alien to me. Experimenting, something I absolutely love. Like cooking for the rest of our roommates. Or MCing and conducting a cheerleading performance at Changi International Airport in front of foreign tourists and business people from all over the world. I love scaring/embarassing the hell out of myself doing something new.
I was scared when I said yes. I admit it. I was scared out of my mind. I kept asking myself, "Is this really what you want to do? Complicate your revisions for the Common Test? Commit four training sessions a week until April 15 and learn everything within this time?"
I didn't know why. I only knew that the moment he asked, I knew my decision. Before I thought of the points. Before I got excited about learning something new. Before I thought of performing. I only knew I had to say yes. I didn't know why. I asked for one night to think about it, but the answer was already there before I hung up.
In retrospect, I now know why I agreed. It's because he asked me. If any other teacher had asked for my time and energy during this crucial exam crunch period, I would have apologized and said no. But with my former Civics Tutor, I couldn't. Him asking me to help was even more a reason to agree.
I am willing to work harder and sacrifice some of my Common Test and I am willing to bear the responsibility of learning the dance in just over a month because of my loyalty and respect for him. He's one of the few teachers who has earned my respect by actually caring about his students. Like Mrs. Emily back in Sinaran. Ms. J in La Salle. I regard them as more of friends than teachers.
And I find it very difficult to refuse favors for my friends. I will bear the burden quietly without complaint and give it my best. Because it is for a friend.
Okay, at least I won't complain openly haha. But I'm never serious when I complain; it's all a part of the obligation, an act, to convince people that I complain about things lke everyone else. Really, I find very little I really want to complain about. It just doesn't solve anything, even if it makes you feel better. We should be thinking of solutions, not useless commentary. Those we truly cannot help, we just have to accept and live with it. Not because we're giving up. But because there's really nothing fruitful to be done. So enough already.
But I digress.
I am so going to die. I know. This is suicide.
But it'll be for a friend. And to me that makes is worth more than better grades for the Common Test ever will be.
Plant a flower in my name when I commit harakiri after my parents disown me for both consciously deciding to screw up my Common Test and becoming more ambiguous with my sexuality, okay? Please?
Commentaires: 0
I'm not supposed to be blogging now. I'm supposed to be writing a Malay horror story for some college Malay newsletter, based on a story I once heard about a girl who got possessed while camping in school.
Sidetrack! Credits: Thanks a lot, Natalie! It's been nearly a year since you told me the story when we were in Pulau Manukan but I've never forgotten what you told me.
Sidetrack over. Anyway.
I'm also supposed to be doing my Biology revisions on Cell Membranes and Transport for the coming Common Test that's up in two weeks. I'm supposed to be researching and "thinking out of the box" about new ways to address terrorism in Singapore for the Pre-U Seminar. Also read the Penguin History of Economics for my Economics S paper.
But still I'm blogging.
I really don't have any more time. No more sand in my hourglass. My 24 hours are occupied to the max. I'm burning everything I have to keep the pace up, at least until the Common Test is over.
And still I have the audacity, the nerve, to say yes to losing four mornings from my one week holiday, a one week holiday that happens to be next week, afterwhich we immediately start on the Common Test.
Now what did I do? What is it that's going to eat four very potentially productive mornings for my revision plan?
Some of you already know. Most don't. Here it is: I said yes to my former Civics Tutor, now Teacher-in-Charge of the Western Dance group, when he called and asked me if I could join the Western Dance ballet item for the Singapore Youth Festival because they were short of guys.
Yes, ballet. Laugh it up, people. Ho Way Siong, not one word from you. Kau pun sama, Kelvin. Jangan ko tulis benda bukan-bukan dalam tagboard sia.
Now why the hell would I do such a thing? I already have my Cheerleaders and I'm somewhat in the Western Dance hiphop section. The moment some people heard about this, they instantly offered (logically), "Oh, you want the points, is that it?"
Please, people. You know me. I don't do things for points. I just find it wrong to spend so much time and energy and willpower on something just for points, hours, testimonials or certificates. I'm not that kind of person. I don't run on external motivation. No, this, like all the responsibilities I've ever accepted, is internal. It's because I want to, not because I'm getting something for it.
But I'm not a ballet person. It's hard to imagine. Some of you can't even imagine it. I still can't, though two sessions into this mess I've gotten myself into, I'm already having fun learning something new and completely alien to me. Experimenting, something I absolutely love. Like cooking for the rest of our roommates. Or MCing and conducting a cheerleading performance at Changi International Airport in front of foreign tourists and business people from all over the world. I love scaring/embarassing the hell out of myself doing something new.
I was scared when I said yes. I admit it. I was scared out of my mind. I kept asking myself, "Is this really what you want to do? Complicate your revisions for the Common Test? Commit four training sessions a week until April 15 and learn everything within this time?"
I didn't know why. I only knew that the moment he asked, I knew my decision. Before I thought of the points. Before I got excited about learning something new. Before I thought of performing. I only knew I had to say yes. I didn't know why. I asked for one night to think about it, but the answer was already there before I hung up.
In retrospect, I now know why I agreed. It's because he asked me. If any other teacher had asked for my time and energy during this crucial exam crunch period, I would have apologized and said no. But with my former Civics Tutor, I couldn't. Him asking me to help was even more a reason to agree.
I am willing to work harder and sacrifice some of my Common Test and I am willing to bear the responsibility of learning the dance in just over a month because of my loyalty and respect for him. He's one of the few teachers who has earned my respect by actually caring about his students. Like Mrs. Emily back in Sinaran. Ms. J in La Salle. I regard them as more of friends than teachers.
And I find it very difficult to refuse favors for my friends. I will bear the burden quietly without complaint and give it my best. Because it is for a friend.
Okay, at least I won't complain openly haha. But I'm never serious when I complain; it's all a part of the obligation, an act, to convince people that I complain about things lke everyone else. Really, I find very little I really want to complain about. It just doesn't solve anything, even if it makes you feel better. We should be thinking of solutions, not useless commentary. Those we truly cannot help, we just have to accept and live with it. Not because we're giving up. But because there's really nothing fruitful to be done. So enough already.
But I digress.
I am so going to die. I know. This is suicide.
But it'll be for a friend. And to me that makes is worth more than better grades for the Common Test ever will be.
Plant a flower in my name when I commit harakiri after my parents disown me for both consciously deciding to screw up my Common Test and becoming more ambiguous with my sexuality, okay? Please?
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